#youre absolutely allowed to disagree with any of this obviously

[jinkiezzsstuff]

Hello dear!! I have a request for the Radio Demon

Do you mind writing sub!Alastor? Imagine your in lobby of the hotel with your beloved Alastor (on his lap) and you decide to do some frisky cockwarming with him.. well in the beginning he has control but then maybe Charlie or Lucifer u walks in.. you decide to tease him until he can't take it anymore and ends up having to cover his moans as he gums in you..

Welp! That's my request🎀 you can delete this ofc but do as you will ~

from windigo anon🦌

i’m drooling, frothing at the mouth, going insane, i love this idea!!! eeeee thank you so much i hope this was good enough i struggled a bit with cockwarming so i hope i did well

Warnings: 18+ SMUT, cockwarming, SUB!Alastor/DOM!Reader, creampie, possible breeding kink, exhibitionism, Lucifer knows what you’re doing, he’s the devil, and you use him to tease Al, jealous lucifer, lucifer is a cuck lowkey, reader wears a dress but no gendered terms or anything, maybe threesome elements?, OOC ALASTOR, NOT proof read, LMK what i missed! xo

word count: 1.9K

You and Alastor have been a thing for a very long time, and throughout the years he’d become rather comfortable with sexual intimacy. Alastor always held the reigns no matter where in life he was, that is excluding the bedroom. Alastor had made a foolish deal with you long ago, he wanted your soul and you were a fairly powerful demon at the time so there was a sit down conversation about such endeavours. You agreed to sell your soul and tie yourself to him, complete all tasks he needed done, so long as he was your bitch. Well, that wording wasn’t used back then, nor was there any sexual innuendos in the mix.

Before it simply meant he couldn’t try to place fear into you, he always had to speak truthfully when it came to you, and if plan involved you, essentially to the outside world he was allowed to look like the boss but behind closed doors he wasn’t allowed to pull that stunt. You two ended up getting along quite nicely as the years went by, your magic side of the deal made it so if he broke his promises, the deal would be off and more then likely fatal to the both of you, so it wasn’t too surprising things went well.

What was surprising was the relationship you developed, Alastor was unable to lie to you about most things due to your deal and most of the time you approached him as a peer lacking judgement. Even when you disagreed with his plans you still still gave your genuine advice and thoughts which made him trust you. Slowly through this weird bond of trust and leaning on each other, Alastor developed romantic feelings and thank god you felt them back.

Alastor was slow to warm up to affections, which meant you normally took over, letting him keep his poise and smile you’d always make the first move, asking for consent to push further whether it was a simple hug, kiss, or a little more frisky. Eventually though, things got to the point they’re at now, where Alastor craves you like his lungs crave air. He is ravenous for your touch, your kiss, your head surrounding his cock. It’s a tough couple months during mating season because he begs and begs for you like a starved man.

Because of his eagerness for you, and to please you, he’s very kindly broadened his horizons leading to absolutely tasteful trying of kinks. Recently the two of you have been planted at the hotel, Alastor called upon you the day he got there, and privately when alone explained his plans with the Devils child, your man had always been an ambitious one, but you couldn’t say no to him. So of course you stood alongside his plans, and now you’re not only dealing with the Devils child, but the devil himself.

Lucifer moved himself in after the big ol’ brawl, and thankfully things have gone somewhat smoothly between Alastor and Lucifer, as in they haven’t killed each other yet, but Lucifer made it his absolute mission to try and “steal you away,” like he did with Adam. Obviously you were committed to Alastor, but your mind would wander to sinful places about all the ways you could show Lucifer how much you loved you deer man. Oh and you just knew how.

Alastor sat in the lobby, looking through a newspaper as he sipped his coffee, music humming softly in the background. The whole lobby was vacant, even Husk was gone for the moment, you made sure of it. Walking into the lobby from the kitchen, your dress flowing around your legs, you walked up to Alastor with a warm smile on your face. “What’re you up to my dear?” You ask softly, making him hum eyes shifting from his newspaper to you, dragging up your form. “Just a little bit of reading, nothing much my doe,” Alastor seemed sleepy almost in the state he was in, his voice was soft and lacking his usual enthusiasm, however it wasn’t a state you were unfamiliar with knowing him for so long.

Slowly you lowered yourself sideways onto his lap, he complied with your actions wordlessly by whisking his newspaper away with his magic, allowing you to scootch yourself right up on him. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you played with the short hairs at the base, causing him to visibly shiver. Alastor smiled down at you softly, watching you tenderly. “I feel,” You whispered with a pause, mimicking somebody taking a thoughtful breath. “Needy.” You breathe out with a cheesy smile plastered on your face. Alastor jolts a bit still entirely not used to forward language such as that, but he didn’t say anything simply blinked at you.

“I think i’m gonna lift this dress up, and your gonna unbuckle these pants, and i’m gonna seat myself nice n comfy on ya,” You purred hands messaging all around his chest as you spoke, trailing down to the button of his slacks and back up to his shoulders. You felt him twitch against his pants, the blood obviously was already flowing to his groin. “Dear we’re in public.” Try as he may, Alastors words were wobbly and his smile looked more like a grimace.

“No baby, we’re in private, in our new home, at the hotel, where no one can see.” You cooed condescendingly, pulling your hands away to hike up your dress. Alastor dared to looked down as you bunched your dress at your hips. Alastor closed his eyes, head falling back at the sight of you bare, nothing but your dress skirt keeping you covered. Turning yourself around, you put your back to him, grinding yourself down on him teasingly.

“Y’know what to do, don’t make me say it dear.” Your voice was stern compared to the tone you held before, Alastor blew out air at your words, head still thrown back at rest on the back of the sofa. Finally he brought his hands from the resting position next to him, and freed himself from his slacks and boxers. You sighed happily as you slowly inched your way down on him, Alastors hands gripped your hips harshly, and his legs kicked out and spasmed every inch you took down.

Once buttoned out, you fixed your gown to flow around you, and backed yourself up against his chest, head rested on his shoulder. Brining his head up to gaze down at you, Alastor gave you a questioning look, sweat already gathering on his forehead. “Dear please-” Alastors words got caught off by a boisterous call, and the front door swinging open. Fixing his posture, Alastor snapped into position, positioning his legs up right feet on the floor, straightening his back, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you up with him.

“Hellloooo everybody! Just had an amazing meeting, everything went in my favour, as always.” Lucifer waltzed in swinging his cane. He briefly paused scanning the room to see only you two sitting stiffly. You were more relaxed, eyes littled with an easygoing smile, Alastor however was tense; his smile was tight and unfriendly, with his eye twitching. “Well hello there you two, lovely to see you here.” Lucifer smiled happily plopping himself on the couch next to you, making you two shake.

The small bit of motion from Lucifer throwing himself down, made you clench, your arousal leaking down Alastors cock and onto his pants. Clearing his throat to suppress a moan, Alastor then gave a tiny ‘hello’ to the devil. Turning your body more toward the devil, you made sure to pick yourself up off Alastor a bit, and lower yourself back down, making him sink his nails into you.

Wrapping one arm around Alastors neck, you leaned sideways against him, facing Lucifer, your skirt successfully obstructing the entire view of your sin. “Do tell Luce.” You urge pretending to care, Lucifer caught on to the strange behaviour immediately however he wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it yet, so he pushed on shrugging and explaining his meeting. You coyly moaned occasionally throughout his explanations playing it off as “oh”s and “ah”s to his story rather than Alastors twitching cock.

Leaning forward Alastor stuck his blushing face in your hair, breathing heavily into it. “Is he doing okay?” Lucifer asked suddenly, quirking a brow at Alastor. Around your waist Alastors arms tightened, and his legs once again spread and splayed out a bit allowing him more space. Alastor felt pitiful, but in a way he loved it, only you had this power and nobody else, he could live with that. Alastor was too blitzed out to realise he’d subtly humped up into you, needing some sort of release. Playing with Alastors hair, you shrugged your shoulders at the devil, your poise still in tacked.

“Yes, I do believe he’s a little sickly.” Lucifer noticed the twitch in Alastors hips now, his eyes growing in size every so slightly. “Yknow i just want to stay something Lucifer,” You begin to say, eyeing Al from your peripheral, seeing his eyes closed. “I really think we ought to stop with the battle, Alastor treats me very well, very good,” You purr fixing your posture, making Alastor groan into your hair.

“I think it’s time to stop with the whole ‘i could take your partner’ shtick.” You say sharply, with finality, Lucifers eyes at this point were flicking back and forth between the two of you, a prominent blush on his face. You grinned cheekily once again and shifted again trying to fix yourself to face forward again, as you did so you heard Lucifer take a breath to speak, but it got interrupted by a guttural groan from Alastor.

Without warning Alastors legs flexed his hips jerking involuntarily up against you, it caught you off guard and made you gasp and moan. It didn’t stop after one thrust, Alastor sunk his teeth into your shoulder jerking his hips up into you, panting and groaning without care. With one forceful thrust and growl, you whined feeling him force himself against you fully, cumming far up into you, stealing your breath. Lucifer watched bug eyed and taken aback, he never saw Alastor so pleasured, now he felt a ping of jealousy; before this moment he wanted to steal you away to show you how much better he can fuck you compared to Alastor, now he wanted you to fuck him and make him feel the way Alastor felt now.

Alastors form grew demonic, stretching and contorting, you still in his lap. You didn’t move an inch as he contorted, not afraid of Alastor what so ever. Alastors neck snapped inhumanely to Lucifer. “You are to never speak of this again.” Alastors voice didn’t sound like his own when he spoke, and whether or not Lucifer was truly scared didn’t matter as he fumbled, stuttered and then stumbled off covering his eyes and apologising. With the snap of his fingers, Alastor magicked the two of you in the safety of his radio tower, where no one dared to enter unwelcomed. “Dear, that was unacceptable. But amusing, you get away with this little fiasco only because it was Lucifer you did it in front of.”

Alastor growled at you demonic form on display, smile stretched, he had your cheeks tightly pinched in between his nails. Shrugging your shoulders, you tiptoed up to give his teeth a coy kiss. “Whatever maybe now he’ll leave us alone.”

[thesillyexpresser]

Finally finished Saiki K and I just wanna say

I HATE THESE MFS 🗣️🗣️🔥💥💥💥

(Uhhh spoilers for the whole thing)

(Oh yeah ramble warning)

(Edit: considering how much traction this is getting, I just want to make it clear that these are my opinions. I’m open to hearing you out on yours as long as it’s not too heated. This wasn’t really meant to be too serious. It is also alright if you disagree with my opinions. These aren’t facts. I am also also well aware that most of their characterization are supposed to be gags and that they’re fictional so I respect them from that point. I just wouldn’t like them if they were actual people.)

I hate these motherfuckers, and I’m surprised there’s almost no shade thrown towards them. Let’s crack it down with these sorry excuses of the parents first.

Now, I’m well aware that this is a comedy anime and characters flaws aren’t exactly a bad thing. Their flaws are supposed to be comedic and I respect that from that stand point.

BUT AS A PERSON WHO CONSUMES MEDIA AND HAS OPINIONS, I WANT TO SACK THEM SHITLESS.

They practically only view Kusuo’s powers as an excuse to do less work, in both inside and outside the house. They constantly use him as a mop to clean up their own shortcomings without doing anything theirselves. Even until the very end, when Kusuo wanted to give up his powers, his own fucking father only thought about his so precious and convenient transport to work. What is this man. I know no one is a perfect parent and that all people have their quirks but this guy is actually so fucking horrible.

The mom isn’t all that bad, but she isn’t unexcused for the way she and the “dad” just allowed the relationship between Kusuo and Kusuke get so fucking toxic. When Kusuke made Kusuo’s limiters and revealed that if he look of the right one that his powers would get revealed to the world, a thing they would all know Kusuo would absolutely hate, they could’ve easily scolded him for it but NO. They could’ve taught the siblings to actually appreciate each others’ abilities to a healthy degree but NO. They could’ve taught Kusuo the importance of respecting and being humble to others without his abilities but NO. They even just allowed Kusuke’s toxic competitiveness to grow by allowing him to go to London and shit. I know no parent is ready to raise an Elon Musk and an esper but at least try to make your own fucking household a home for your own children. Now, onto the rotting maggot that is Kusuke.

I FUCKING HATE KUSUKE.

Now, I know anyone would be jealous of their younger sibling having more ability than them and I know that his parents are (as I already established) just the worst but can this guy actually fucking relax??

Like has once in his sorry excuse of a life has he thought that “hey isn’t this just a tiny bit petty??” “Isn’t putting a tracker on my younger brother an invasion of his own privacy??” “Is making a fucking robot clone of my brother, making it do the things my own brother is obviously uncomfortable with, making it fucking attack him on sight, and then brainwashing his friend into hating him so much that it sprouts another psychic ability just a bit more fucked up than I thought??”

I know people hate this line but YOU’RE A FUCKING ADULT. YOU’RE NINETEEN YEARS OLD. GROW UP.

Also can we talk about how he’s all “I want to prove I can control my brother” when he already has his thumb pushed down on Kusuo? What’s that? You have a way to make everyone know about his powers? You can track his moves? You know everything about his powers and the ways and money to stop them? And you did this for fun? Con-fucking-grats you have control over him. He has anxiety now. Thanks for your hard work. I’m pretty sure that if he had any less morals than Kusuo would be his fucking slave.

(And yes, I know that the right limiter gimmick was taken off but it’s the thought that counts and there’s nothing but MALICE behind those thoughts.)

His only defense for putting his brother through inhumane experiments is “oh Kusuo has psychic powers he practically isn’t human”. KUSUO ISNT HUMAN MY ASS. Kusuo has more humanity than you. That robot clone you built of him has more humanity than you. That poor rotting maggot that I unfairly compared itself to you has more humanity than you. This mad scientist shithead has practically ZERO HUMANITY.

And I think we all fucking knew that the stopping-all-of-Kusuo’s-powers limiter was so he can do his world domination shit. Without his brother’s powers, who was there to stop him from doing that robot world domination thing from that one episode all over again? NO ONE. THAT’S WHO.

and I know that I’m getting so worked up over a fictional story but I JUST WANT TO GIVE THEM A SWEET REIGAN ARATAKA TALK.

“Aren’t you his parents? Shouldn’t you act with more responsibility instead of treating your own son like a fucking taxi?? For shame. I’m calling child protection services. He’s still a fucking minor after all. Minors aren’t that mentally mature, you know.”

“Oh? You put your own brother through inhumane experiments because of his ESP? That same ESP that he had no control over being born with? Why are you harassing someone just because they were born with something they didn’t have control being born with? Should I call the cops?”

Heck, I just want to shake their brains out, beat some senses into them, and give Kusuo some therapy because my goodness.

sigh

Yare yare

[trapped-in-the-valley]

My open letter to the Moomin fandom

cw: swearing. Not a lot of it, but it's there.

I don't know if I'll ever actually post this, but I need to get this written down because I just can't with this fandom anymore and I need to get my emotions out somehow.

Before I actually get into it, I want to make one thing clear. This is not a personal attack against anyone. You are allowed to have your own opinions, to ship who you like, to do whatever you want to, really (try to stay on the legal side tho), just like I have the right to the very same things.

You can disagree with me, you can even tell me just how much you disagree with me, as long as you stay kind and respectful about it. That's just how people work. We're not gonna agree on everything, and that's fine. Great even. Otherwise the world would be a very boring place.

Mostly, I love this fandom. The people are very open and welcoming and the vibes are absolutely top notch. There are a lot of very skilled and passionate people here who fill this fandom with joy and life and creativity.

But ever since I first joined this fandom, there has been a certain attitude on here concerning Snufmin, the most popular ship in this fandom (for understandable reasons), that has irked me every time I came accross it in any form.

"Well, obviously they're more than just friends, you have to be blind not to see that."

I hate that fucking phrase so much.

Now, before I start going into my biggest problem with this wide-spread attitude, I'm gonna look at that expression for a second. "more than just friends."

Usually I try not to get snagged on phrases like this, because it's really just a common expression (even I use it occasionally. probably.) and people probably don't mean it that way, but in this specific case it's actually relevant to the larger problem, so bear with me for a bit.

"More than just friends" explicitly implies a sort of ranking or hierachy. That romantic love is inherently more valuable than platonic love. It devalues platonic relationships despite the fact that they're actually equal to romantic relationships.

This is a very important point here. Equality. I am not trying to put either of them above the other. In my opinion, neither of them is more important than the other. They're just two of the many ways you can express your love for someone. Both of them can be equally deep and important.

Okay, it's time to finally take a look at the actualy contents of this phrase. The part of the attitude that has been chipping away at me for the past few years until the dam finally burst.

It's not a secret that, while they're incredibly close, Snufkin and Moomin are not canonically a romantic couple. Now, would Tove have made Moomintroll and Snufkin explicitly a couple if she had lived in a time where that would have been possible? Maybe. We'll never know, since we can't exactly ask her anymore.

But regardless of Tove's intentions, what we ended up with is this beautifully ambigous relationship, that could be anything, really.

The relationship is beautiful. It's close and trusting and endless and admiration and adoration and written in the fabric of the fucking universe. But it's not defined.

It's very fitting for a relationship that serves as an allegory for longing to be that way.

Longing isn't defined, it's complicated and deep, and everyone feels it differently and it can be felt regardless of what kind of relationship you have with the person or the place or the thing you're longing for, which is why the ambiguity of their feelings for each other and the deep love and complex emotions they feel is a perfect representations of a very complicated emotion.

Now, to make one thing clear: I'm not bashing anyone for shipping these two. Again, the relationship is ambigous, and a romantic reading of the source text is just as valid as a platonic one or everything in between.

There's a lot to like, and they make for a very compelling ship.

My problem is with the people who act like Snufmin is the foregone conclusion. The only valid interpretation.

The people who don't tag their fanfics as Snufmin because "It's basically cannon."

The people who post stuff about how you have to be stupid not to see that they're obviously a couple. How the people who prefer a platonic reading are willfully ignorant or blind to the elephant in the room.

Maybe it's the aromantic in me, the person who was told growing up again and again that that you had to find romantic love to be complete, that was made to feel like something was wrong with me because I didn't.

The kid who was told "they must be more than friends."

Who was made to feel like platonic love, the only kind of love I felt, was inherently less valuable, less cherishable than the romantic kind.

So yeah, maybe it's the aromantic in me, but I haven't been a huge shipper ever since when I was around 18. I'm not anti-shipping, but when I'm in a fandom most ships just end up on a scale from vaguely positive to vaguely negative for me, with most of them ending up in the neutral zone.

I'm not gonna seek out any content of the ship specifically, but a good piece of fanart is a good piece of fanart and a fanfic with an interesting storyline intrigues me, regardless of whether or not it has a ship in it.

Snufmin was on the upper end of this scale for me when I first joined the fandom. Not even neutral, but vaguely positive. They're really cute together, to the point where I'd actually seek out content specifically for it being Snufmin (There's some really cute animatics out there. 10/10. would recommend) and even came up with an entire AU based around the ship.

But as the years went on, and the comments and untagged fanfics and this fucking attitude in the entire fandom went on and on and on, it all started piling up. Chipping away at me. Discomfort started to settle in, and I felt more and more uncomfortable, less welcomed in a fandom that used to be a source of comfort for me.

I started to hate this fucking ship. Genuine hatred, which is a rare thing for me. I guess I blamed it for the loss of something dear to me.

It got to the point where I left this fandom almost entirely, only staying tethered to it through the fact that I still enjoyed and consumed the source material.

I've been getting better about it recently, slowly finding my way back through the things I originally found joy in while trying to avoid everything else best as I can, but that's my personaly journey and I'm not going to bore you with the details. Just know that the hatred is gone, with only occasional annoyance left.

The attitude that caused it though, isn't. It's still there, just as it was back then.

Again, I'm not telling you to stop shipping Snufmin. I get it. It's a great ship and I'm glad you find joy in it.

But the next time you post about it, try not to devalue the just as valid platonic love these two can feel for each other.

I'd appreciate it, and while it's probably not the most popular opinion, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.

Thank you if you read this basically-a-breakdown until here. It genuinely means a lot to me.

All your best,

Trapped-in-the-valley

PS: Tag you fucking fanfics. Please.

[moethewriter]

Your fics are so so so good. I love the introspection so much. Could you do #30 on the angst prompt with finnick, if you want? thank you!

Hey Anon! Thanks for the compliment! Of Course I can. This one actually took me a hot second to think of an idea for! But I hope you enjoy it! -- TITLE: The Things We Need Most WORD COUNT: 1.1K WARNING: Fighting, not sure if anything else is worth noting under here but if there is let me know and I'll change it! TAGS: Introspection cause its me, fighting and arguing, two idiots being idiots. READER IS FEM CODED!!! Only because it made the most sense with the plot that came to mind! SUMMARY: Sometimes what you needed most was right in front of you ... A/N: Hello again all! The reader in this is fem coded just for the sake of the plot, it made more sense! Thanks for enjoying my work so far everyone! Hope you enjoy this one too, and as always I take constructive criticism so please feel free to leave that!

“You can’t tell anyone.” You said, furiously crossing your arms as though you were a petulant child arguing over bedtime. You thought if anyone could understand, he would, but apparently you had thought wrong.

“The hell I can’t!” He laughed, a small harsh little laugh that didn’t suit him at all. He was looking at you, his eyes boring into your soul, holding nothing but hurt, fear and frustration in them.

“You think I’m going to sit here and let Mags or Annie go back into that arena? Absolutely not, I can’t let that happen.” You snapped, a red tinge growing over your face as anger filled your bones. “You can’t seriously think that either of them are even prepared to step back into there. You and I both know that they’re not! So get off your high horse and keep this secret like I asked you too!”

When you had been reaped, Mags had been your mentor. Finnick had tried to disagree but with the friendship you two had, you knew it wouldn’t be wise. If he lost you, like you had almost lost him, he would be distraught. You were distraught when he had left for his games, nothing seemed to be okay after that. 

But Mags had stepped up, and she got you every sponsor she could. She took care of you and helped you make it out of there alive, back to Finnick, to her and your family. 

You hadn’t met Annie officially until you had turned eighteen, and she, seventeen. Finnick had introduced you both and you had clicked instantly. She became like the sister you never had and then it became the three of you. Annie hadn’t returned the same after she had been reaped and won her games. But Finnick and you had always been there for her, and you would be there for her now.

“If I march in there and tell them what you’re doing, you think they’re going to allow you to put your life on the line for them! They would never allow you to sacrifice yourself for them, you know!” He shot back, running a hand through his hair, roughly. 

“It’s not their choice, Finn! It’s mine. I am actively making this choice alone. You can’t sit here and seriously say you wouldn’t do the same!” An exasperated laugh passed through your lips, as you looked away from him.

Obviously no one wanted to be in this situation, everyone had been promised to be left alone after they had won. Of course Snow could never allow that for any Victors, with how he operated with them after the games. He couldn’t let his little puppets not be punished, he was incapable of sympathy.

“I would take their places in a heartbeat, you know! I would never have any of you going back there if I could!” Finnick said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Neither of you could stand to look at one another, both far too worked up than the situation called for, in your opinion. For the first time in a very long time you didn’t understand what was going through his head. Why was he shooting back at every opportunity, did he think that there was a chance you wouldn’t survive, did he not have that faith in you anymore?

“If you think I’m incapable of doing this, then you need to tell me. Don’t sit there and bullshit your way around things and not give me an answer to why you don’t want me back there. Because I know it’s not just because you're worried.” You said, a cross look passing over your face. You were done yelling, and fighting. You just needed to know what was going on. “If you can’t tell me then you need to let it go, and not tell anyone what I’ve told you here tonight. You need to respect me enough to keep that secret like I’ve asked of you.” 

He looked at you, biting his lip gently. He hardly did that anymore.

“Y/N.” He sucked in a deep breath, preparing himself. “It’s not that I think you couldn’t do it, or wouldn’t be strong enough. You’re the bravest person I know, and one of the strongest. I guess in a way this is selfish … the reason I don’t want you back there. I can’t lose you. We’ve almost lost each other at least once … I can’t feel that again.” He whispered, and you could see the tears welling in his eyes.

“But I can’t be okay with losing Annie or Mags, Finnick. I’m barely okay with the thought of losing you.” You reached out to cup his face, gently.

He looked so much younger like this, more like the boy you had met all those years ago.

“I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

“I …. Finnick.” Your voice was tinged with sadness, and you had no idea what to say at this moment.

Finnick had never left your side from the moment you two had met. He had been there through every single major moment of your life. The day you had your first heartbreak, when you had broken a bone, he had held your hand through the reaping ceremony. He was the piece you had been missing. You couldn’t remember life before him, though you were sure you wouldn’t want to. He was everything to you.

And somewhere between then and now … perhaps you had both fallen in love with one another.  

Of course you had loved Finnick from the moment you had been ten years old, when he had challenged you to a swimming contest and you won. You hadn’t embarrassed him, or that’s what he had always said, but you ended up taking a liking to each other. .

From that moment on you two had become inseparable, there was never one of you without the other. He had changed your life for the better, and you had always hoped you made an impact on his too. 

“I love you too.” You admitted after moments of silence. “I think I always have but there was never a right time to say it.”

“No time like the present.” Finnick chuckled, small and gentle. His hands came up to cup yours, warmth radiating from him.

“I don’t think days before the reaping of the Quarter Quell is the best, but I’ll take it.” You smiled. “Kiss me?”

All he had needed was permission. He leaned down, gently slotting his lips with yours as you brushed your thumb against his cheeks.

Minutes felt like seconds and before you knew it he had pulled away from you, eyes no longer shining with tears but pure … love and joy.

“If you go back in there, both of us are coming out. Got it, L/N.” Finnick said, pulling you into a bone crushing hug.

“Got it, Odair.” You laughed against his chest. 

You didn’t know what the two of you did next, you barely had a clue of what would happen tomorrow … but this was the start of something beautiful. You could feel it.

[doberbutts]

I very much see your points! I suppose the only real difference between your viewpoint and mine stands in the fact that while yes, I do agree that to use the terms TME/TMA to sort of "gatekeep" specific experiences is bad, I feel like that's more of an issue with individual (although decently widespread, unfortunately) misappropriation of the language, rather than a conceptual flaw with the framework. I believe there's a lot of people who intend to use the terms correctly, and if and when they happen not to we should aim to correct that individual behavior rather than throw the baby out with the water, so to speak. I do understand that it's a bit of a tall ask when everyone's at each other's throats and often not willing to return the favor, but at the very least that's what we should strive for if we want to reach mutual understanding (I say all this knowing that's your goal too, I wouldn't assume otherwise).

After all, I do believe that the way "transandrodorks" are treated stems from a similar misunderstanding or overgeneralization of what we actually stand for, and an unwillingness to reach out a hand and actually listen to what we have to say rather than assume the worst from a few bad actors. That's why when the positions are reversed I want to at least try to reach out and meet the other party in the middle, even if the same courtesy isn't always afforded to me.

As for your example with Caster Semenya, I do believe that intersex people should absolutely be allowed to use the term TMA to refer to themselves regardless of AGAB if they feel it's appropriate, as their experiences often exist outside the strict framework we tend to employ and they would know best which terminology applies to them and which doesn't (and should also obviously allowed to make up their own when needed). I don't see eye to eye with anyone who advocates for TMA/TME while disagreeing on this point (and I'll admit I'm not sure what the general consensus here is).

And as for the other example, I'm a bit hesitant to continue that specific analogy (which I do believe to be absolutely valid, btw) since I'm white and I would rather not say anything out of turn, so I'll instead offer the usual rebuttal to the analogous point: when someone who is TME experiences transmisogyny, it's an atomic experience, not continuous. They might be mistaken for a trans woman, but as they are not actually a trans woman they don't live in the same state of constant fear and threat of (this specific type of) violence. They can prove they're not transfem, and the attack will stop, or at least lessen. They have the option of simply not being transfem, something which obviously isn't afforded to transfems. That doesn't mean that the experience they went through didn't affect them, or did so less, but they would live it differently from someone who would be the actual intended target.

Now, I relayed that point but I personally am not sure I agree with it 100%, specifically the latter half. If the TME person being attacked happens to be another trans person, rather than cis, they don't get to escape the danger through proving they're not transfem, because then they're just trading a type of violence for another (the one actually meant to target them, which might look differently). Not to mention that you won't always be in a situation where you can/want to prove it, or where the other party will believe you or care either way. I guess the bigger point here is that if you're TME you're not always experiencing transmisogyny in every facet of your life, though.

Either way I believe there's plenty of more nuance that could be had here, and in that sense I do dislike how that's lost when using TME/TMA, but as terms they were never intended to encompass every possible experience in shorthand but rather just give a general idea, which could then be complemented by any additional info you would be willing to share.

Ah but you see, that's the talking over someone else's experience I'm talking about.

When TME people experience transmisogyny, it is incidental and not continuous. Well. For some, like my example of the idiot mistaking me for Mexican for being brown while saying a French word, that is true. I am not commonly mistaken for Mexican, though it's not unheard of, and it hasn't happened in years. Specifically, when I stopped wearing my hair long and started binding, I stopped being read as *Dominican* (which racist people do not see the difference between the various Latin American countries) and thus stopped experiencing this problem. It's incidental, but I still think that the best choice is to ally with Mexicans and other Latinos and Hispanics to stop the bigoted behavior from happening altogether.

But what happens when it IS continuous? Black cis women, also labeled TME, are disproportionately transvestigated and heavily punished by transmisogynist laws and rulings despite not being transgender themselves. Not only does showing birth certificates not help (and, also, I think this is Bad Logic, because if I have to show my personal private documents in order to be left alone, I'm still being Affected By The Oppression because I have to carry my documents everywhere. Like that's just Baby's First Fascism) but I have personally witnessed multiple black celebrity and politician cis women be forced to prove they are women *while they are pregnant*. And yes, that is misogynoir. But it is practiced by utilizing the exact same societal systems to hurt trans women. Thus my logic on the other post- all oppression hooks into each other and back onto itself somehow. Not only is that not incidental and very much continuous, but this a systemic problem and why cis and trans women and *especially* any person of color regardless of gender should ally among themselves to fight it.

And, finally "they can prove they're not trans fem and the attack will stop or lessen"- sure, much like how Hannah Gadsby was able to say "no no I'm not a faggot you see I am a lady a woman no man-liker here" and the guy left her alone wait no he didn't he beat the shit out of her anyway. Like that's the problem I have with this- the reality is that this does not apply to every single person and that real living people are being hurt and sometimes killed while being labeled exempt from the very thing that kills them. We have had cis people die due to bathroom laws meant to hurt trans women. It is absolutely not a matter of just proving you're not one because transmisogyny is one help of a drug and it is used as a dangerous weapon to any and everyone it's pointed towards.

And that is the crux of my problem. People can use whatever words they like to describe their own experiences. Pointing these words to describe someone else's experiences for them, however, and denying that their very real lived experiences have happened or that it matters less is where I draw the line.

[bobosbillionsknives]

i agree with a lot of your points about knives, i do also think he is aroace of some kind (demi imo), but the way he ignores bodily autonomy wasn't a theme that was new to stampede. the way he consumes other plants and forced vash to use his angel arm are examples of it, though less explicitly 'sexual'. either way, his actions weren't born out of sexual attraction, he simply thinks that all plants are an extension of himself and he can use their bodies as he pleases since its for a 'greater purpose'. he is not a predator but he isn't innocent either

Oh no no no no no no no I do NOT wanna give the impression that I am genuinely defending knives is ANY way. 😭

I completely agree with everything you're saying. He is inarguably abusive. Saying he's not would be a wild ass claim to make. 🙏 My only argument here is that it isn't specifically sexual, but I'll get more into that in a bit. 😝 I have SO MUCH to say abt this...so I'm gunna use this as an excuse to word vomit on y'all. Thank you for bringing this to me I am itching.CRAVING to talk about my favorite girls always. 🤗💖

INSANE ESSAY POSTING LETS GOO !!!

I think your point on Knives seeing the plants as an extension of himself is SPOT ON!!! He does the same thing with Vash too. He's doing it because hes so stuck up his own ass he seriously thinks there is no possible way he could ever be wrong, everyone else is just too blind or stupid to see it his way. That's why he does the whole "eternal suffering for Vash the Stampede" bit. He genuinely cannot comprehend that Vash just fundamentally disagrees with him. He thinks if Vash goes out and sees every horrible thing a human can be he'll finally give up the hippy dippy act and face this false reality Knives made up as a coping mechanism so he never has to actually face any of his problems. Cause stabbing all your problems away is waaaaay easier than actual growth or change. Top ten girls who are trapped by the horrors of their past 😂!

Knives has a blatant misunderstanding of people's worth outside of himself. He disregards the lives of others constantly, he literally murdered 20 mil+ and was genuinely confused when Vash was mad at him for it. He doesn't take anything seriously. He especially doesn’t take physical pain seriously, unless it’s happening to himself. [DID YOU ACTUALLY SHOOT ME!!?] He's said that he knows none of the crazies he sends after Vash can ever kill him. He thinks if they can't kill him, then none of the hurt Vash experiences during these fights really count. Its always a game to him. He knows Vash will be fine because he has faith in his ability to fight. (He's complimented his fighting skills several times lol.) Yet he’s consistently shocked and disgusted when he sees Vashes scars, like he didn’t play a role in that ??? He just never thought of it until it was literally staring him in the face.

HE THINKS EVERYTHINGS A DAMN GAME !!!!!

Knives never really wants to force Vash to agree with him either, he's literally waited decades for him to come around to his point. He's definitely lashed out violently before, and has disregarded his safety. But I don't think he actually even likes seeing Vash in pain 😭 (maybe a little in a Itoldyouso brother kinda way lol.) He's completely horrified when he sees his scars. This panel speaks absolute VOLUMES to me. He is angry that Vash would allow people to hurt him this much. (Bro is for sure a victim blamer 🥱 Vash OBVIOUSLY should've known humans are evil and would do this to him. 🙄 HIS FAULT !) Those scars solidify in his mind that his brother is reckless, and clearly doesn't know what's best for himself. That's why he feels the right to "save" him from humans. Knives out of anyone in the world knows how much Vash disregards his own life. He's angry that his own brother would choose the perceived violence of humanity instead of the safety he has worked SO hard to cultivate for over a hundred years. After everything they learned from their childhoods, Vash would have to be deaf and dumb to keep crawling back to them. (From his perspective anyway.)

Everything Knives does he thinks is to better Vashes life. That's what makes him such a tragic character to me. He genuinely believes he's in the right and doing everything he has to so him and his brother can feel that safety that was never guaranteed to them in childhood. He loves Vash, (PLATONICALLY !!!! 😰) He wants Vash to be happy. He just doesn't understand why, that despite everything, living alongside the humans is what makes him happy. Something he only accepts at the end of trimax when he literally trees himself to assumed death so Vash could have that. Knives is unambiguously in the wrong, but I do think his thought processes are sympathetic. WRONG. But like .I get it girl. Besides, he acts more like a toxic mother than anything. How DARE you be so ungrateful after everything I've ever done for you that you've never even asked for. ✋😒 and EXPLICITLY told me not to do. Ugh. 🙄 you don't even love me…guess im just a terrible brother than huh…🥀 BITCH SHUT UP !!!!

Now about the asexuality, not only...do I think Knives is aroace. I think he's completely sex REPULSED!!!!! Sex is a mark of human degeneracy, animals clinging for power over each other. Hed think hes above it !! It would disgust him, I don't think he's ever had a sexual thought in his life. He’s also a Jesus freak he'd think procreation in general is a sin 🙄‼️ik his interpretation of the bibles gotta be INSANE. Exploring sensuality is like a normal and healthy thing to do no fucking WAY Knives is self aware enough to do all that. If he could experience any kind of libido, his hatred of humans would never allow him to explore it anyway. Since sex is such a huge part of human culture. He probably thinks consensual sex is a myth humans made up to assault each other easier…😭

this is literally him bro I can't see him any other way...🚬 He's literally a pearl clutching mom who refuses to understand anyone else's experiences because he doesn't understand them.

I can't imagine him being able to feel romantic love either...I actually think it would be pretty out of character ngl. Plus I think it could be an interesting element of why he feels so disconnected from humanity in general. It would be part of why he feels the need to define himself as alien. Knives would rather die than admit this, (and he did) but all he's ever wanted was understanding. The same way Vash does. Knives doesn't understand sexuality/romance, or deep empathy, or most social confinements at all. That's clear by his inappropriate emotional reactions and lack of a filter. He can't feel emotions the same way Vash or Rem can. It makes it very difficult for him to relate to and connect with others. Especially Rem. He feels too wrong, too broken, too alien. But he's convinced himself that this is actually a superiority. So he can sleep at night. But he's far more human than he'll ever be willing to accept. The familial love he feels for Vash is the only thing that makes him feel normal. And it's why he clings to it so desperately. I think that feeling being explicitly familial makes the most sense for the story.

(cut for explicit talk of SA/CSA)

Im never one to dismiss bad actions from a fictional character. If I thought Knives was a sexual abuser, id say it. I even considered it before I watched/read Trigun and kept it in mind the whole time because of how prevalent of a take it is. If anything, I feel like theres more evidence for metaphorical depictions of Knives BEING sexually abused than being the sexual abuser. I mean his literal whole thing is how plants bodies are used and abused against their will. Solely for the humans gain. While it's slowly and painfully killing them. And how afraid he is that they'll do it to him too....😭 He would be absolutely HORRIFIED by SA. I just don't think it's an abuse he'd perpetuate. It goes against literally everything he stands for. I get he’s a hypocrite and all but I could just never see Knives of all people doing anything sexually ever. ESPECIALLY for his own pleasure.

Both Vash and Knives read to me as CSA victims. This would need to be a separate post all together because there is entirely just too much to say. But I feel very strongly about this interpretation and it's why I'm so firm on this. Sexual abuse is a huge theme in trigun OBVIOUSLY!! And Vash and Knives can easily represent different ways people cope with trauma like that. Knives gets angry, and bitter, and lashes out. While Vash shuts himself off, and tries to run away from it all. Two extremes from two brothers. Two sides of the same coin and all that. They've been victimized, I think it's the main reason why Knives would be so angry and distrustful of humans. Now I know Steve was kind of a throw away character from the anime- but I believe long term interpersonal abuse from a human early in life would explain a lot of the deep rooted hatred Knives has for humanity. Along with his hatred for Rem if she failed to protect them, and his deep sense of entitlement to protect Vash if Vash couldn't protect himself. (Tesla was the last straw for Knives bc at least for a while he thought he could trust Conrad till all that happened and he realized the only person he could ever trust was Vash, and that fear never really left him even 100+ years after.) (My interpretation of Conrads role is also a different post gerrrrr TOO MUCH TO SAY.)

Knives' ideology has always been inconsistent, I can easily see him disregarding autonomy in some ways but refusing to in others and never making a mental connection between the two. Plus Knives would think Vashes scars are shameful and disgusting. He probably cant even make himself look at him let alone touch him be so fr. Knives' definitely has an unhealthily attachment to Vash but not in a sexy sex or ROMANCE way 🤦‍♂️ ITS JUST HIS BPD YA’LL 😝‼️#favoriteperson #extremefearofabandonment #vashkeepsleavinghim (also another separate insane essay post) there is no argument here that Knives isn’t extremely bad at emotional regulation. Familial/platonic dynamics like that happen literally all the time it’s just not evidence of anything to me. I can't even see Knives directly punching someone let alone be capable of sexual violence against his own BROTHER ? I'd argue he's far more verbally/emotionally abusive than he ever is physically anyway. He doesn't even kill directly, it's always either done without a second thought by his powers, indirectly by starving the population out, or by making other people do it for him. He doesn't seem to actually enjoy seeing people in pain, more the satisfaction of a job well done. I don't see why this wouldn't apply to Vash too? He doesn't even usually initiate their physical fights. Vash does. (He has every right to, for the record. Knives just doesn't comprehend why Vash would be mad so he always tries to talk like everything is normal. Lol.) And when they are fighting he always puts his hand on his face ?? More annoying than a direct indication of violence. He could just punch him or something but he doesn't? Like violence in Trigun isn't a thing known to happen. Idk I think that's interesting and worth exploring a bit yk ???

Obviously he chopped his arm off I'm not saying he's innocent there either, just that he's more likely to be emotionally manipulative than explicitly interpersonally violent LOOLL. He didn't chop off his brothers arm because he enjoyed it, to him that pain is neutral. It was just a super casual reminder. But SEXUAL violence is completely different, sure it'll leave scars but you can heal from physical pain all day and night I mean commooon it barely even COUNTS as real pain. (Because he rarely has to experience it.) (A certain someone's got a major empathy problem.) And if it kills you it doesn't matter cuz you're already dead 😝!! But SA is different. It's his worst fear and greatest agony. It's something he knows sticks with you your whole life, he doesn't think that's a wound capable of being healed. (So he never tries and chooses to live in constant fear and anger instead.) That's how I see it anyway...🤕 Again it's not like he's a reasonable guy he is known to be a bit unstable idk if u knew...

Actually if anything, I think Vash would be the more interpersonally violent of the two. (Vashes abuse is always reactionary tho he would never act like that if Knives would just be normal lol he is not the aggressor here.) I can't see Knives punching Vash but I could VERY easily see Vash punching Knives ykwim ??? (For trimax anyway, ik kid Knives beats the shit out of him in 98 which I DO think is funny. But I don't accept into my personal canon okay LISTEN we are talking about a lot of conflicting characterizations here. JUST HEAR ME OUT. ✋) Knives never even really blames Vash for BLOWING HIS LEGS OFF in July too, which I always thought was so interesting. It makes me think this is actually a common thing for them to the point that they don't even argue about it outside of "are you actually aiming at me again 🙄?" Which is more bitchy than angry. Like ugh I can't believe you. Typical, typical Vash. 🥱 He'd probably use it as a way of proving to him that they are the same. And despite denying it, Vash would actually agree and feel a deep sense of shame abt it. He's had 150 years of pent up anger after all. He almost killed him with a rock once lol. I'm tired of everyone woobifying Vash as some kind of perpetual uwu victim. Vash is fucking mean sometimes. He is just as capable of violence as Knives is. The same way Knives is just as capable of great kindness. It is known that Vash is in fact physically STRONGER than Knives. (With his plant powers and id assume in general because Vash actually goes outside while Knives reads in his garden all day.) I truly believe that the only reason Knives ever wins the sibling fights is because of Vashes constant hesitance. He's not a battered wife stereotype. All Vash wants is control over his own life, the last thing he'd want to see himself as is a helpless victim. It's why he always pretends nothing is ever wrong with him. It's why he doesn't accept help, and values other people's problems far above his own. His kindness was always an active choice and that's why he's such a powerful character. And Knives would bring out the absolute worst in him LOOL all that work he's done to better himself is instantly thrown out the window the second Knives' very punchable face walks in the room.

He was fighting absolute demons not to run over and beat tf out of Knives in this panel

This is why I feel so disgusted by stampede and the way they handled their relationship. They've dumbed down these characters to the point that they are unrecognizable. Literally every aspect of stampedes portrayal of them feels like a first conclusion based on a synopsis of their goals and personalities. I get there's only one season but that's a LOT to fuck up in one season bro. 😭. There is absolutely no salvaging Nai as a character for me. I'd cover my drink around that guy I find him genuinely repulsive. At least with trimax, you can read around an initial sussy reading if you wanted. How anyone defends Nai, I don't even know. That whole plant insemination thing is pretty on the nose y'all. Literally doesn't even make sense for him to do that like? Why would he want more independent plants??? It's like they tried to make Knives' motivations make sense when the whole point should be that they don't. He's fighting ghosts out of fear. Stampede wasn't even good enough to justify its own existence by how it looks. Adding peculiar plant pregnancy preggo fetish incest bait is just the turd on the turd cake. They ruined the most compelling part of the story for me. Pfft.... But whatever...🚬 not like I care ....🚬

Not to mention Legato y'all don't even get me started. The guy that HATES humans more than anything in the world taking in a HUMAN -SEX TRAFFICKING VICTIM. The one time he's ever taken pity on a human being and it was someone who was the victim of a violent sex crime. Yeah guys that dude. Total raper. Defo a brother diddler. What the fuck are we talking about right now y'all. I genuinely feel like sexual violence would be the last thing knives would ever do ever. I understand that there are sus scenes in the manga that could be interpreted this way, but considering the many themes in Trigun and his place in the story as a whole, I think it is such a misrepresentation. And it frustrates me to see it as one of the only things talked about in regards of his character. If I could, I'd rewrite every scene in the world so people could understand what I see, but I can't. And I know I can't control how other people see the media I like. Trigun is extremely interpretive, and I understand why this is a common conclusion. But I guess I just can't shake the feeling that it's more complicated than that. I have criticisms with trimax and ESPECIALLY 98. And there's obvi a lot id change to fit what I'd find most interesting. (Also why every headcanon revolves around Knives somehow teehee) BUUUUUT I do think all of my analysis is pretty based in canon. I can't stress how insane I am about this and how much I've thought about it 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕. Believe me, I've considered every obstacle. And I've stayed consistent.

Knives is a raper feels like the easy answer to me. To be completely blunt, it's just not as compelling. Vash and Knives would both have very complicated relationships with their bodies and sensualities and gender and their relation to their plantself and their humanself and blah blah blah whatever. I'd much rather explore that as a separate result of the same abuse than default to supercestsimulator69. Knives is already an abuser. Making him a sexual aggressor too doesn't really add anything to the story besides diminish and dumb down his very complex motivations. Vash and Knives should be very good friends who know each other better than anyone. (They are trauma bonded like CRAAAZZY, very codependent like y'all get it.) I think that would make their conflict SO much more interesting. While providing some great context to why Vash is so willing to give every horrible person he meets a second chance at life. If I saw my brother, who I love, and is my best friend in the whole wide world, slowly deteriorate under the pressure of the abuse we we're BOTH experiencing; go fucking crazy and kill everyone. And I KNEWW. He genuinely believed he was doing what he had to do to protect the both of us...I'd probably also give everyone the benefit of the doubt idk. Vash understanding Knives' motivations but still holding on to that (justified) resentment and anger is ESSENTIAAAL to their dynamic and also literally all of Trigun. Sexual abuse throws a rock in all of this. If anything I think Knives would tell Vash "I'm the only one who WOULDN'T assault you. They're human, they'll only see you for how useful you are. It's what they do. It's what you know they do. You're choosing them over me the same way Rem chose Steve over us." Knives' abuse is complicated and multifaceted, not just some gross display of power. He's not even the most power hungry character in the world. He's got a whole cult dedicated to him that he canonically IGNORES.

And he sure as shit doesn't respect people who are desperate for power over others!! He'd think he's above that too. Just more evidence of human deviance. (Like the scene in 98 where kid Vash and Knives are watching the humans fight over water. Animals who think one is more deserving of resources than the other.) He's narcissistic in the literal diagnosable sense but definitely not some kinda megalomaniac. I think that's a huge mischaracterization. He doesn't want to rule the world, he wants to destroy it. And he wants Vash to be his equal in this, he respects Vash. (as far as someone like Knives can respect anybody at all) He doesn't understand why Vash would choose to be so "dumb" because he's never allowed himself to feel the vulnerability of potential harm that Vash wants him to understand is worth it. It's why he locks himself away from the world, he's afraid of being victimized again. Knives' morals are all over the place, he genuinely doesn't think murder is bad but would consider sexual violence to be the worst thing anyone could ever do EVER. It's not like we're talking about the beacon of reason and consistency here y'all, Knives is cray cray sauce.

Anyway that's my thoughts, sorry this took forever to answer. 😿 And ended up being SOOO long.. I've on and off mauled over this writing and rewriting again trying to make any of my garbled thoughts make any sense. Hope it resonates with anybody at least bc I genuinely feel like I've been taking crazy pills lately LOOL. Take care of yourselves everyone. 💖 Never an easy subject to talk about.

[moonshynecybin]

i feel like i disagree with that anon's "if someone tells you that you wouldn't be able to kill a person the next day you don't commit murder just to prove that person wrong" because it's NOT that situation. it's "if someone you've idolized your entire life, who has a LOT of power, blindsides you by publicly announcing that you're a little snake who is trying to make him suffer, the anger and humiliation you feel might lead you to fight against him harder." also like, marc absolutely had a part in that collision. but he didn't make vale kick him. he was obviously trying to get a reaction out of vale, which he did. but it's NOT like vale has sole blame for the press conference -> marc has sole blame for the crash. so even if marc's actions allowed vale to justify his claims of sabotage to HIMSELF, that doesn't mean they're actually justified in reality.

it’s very medea to me. jason voice i can just divorce her probably. like vale is smart in that presscon because on some level, disgregarding if there’s any actual TRUTH to his claims, it’s gonna be enshrined in the public consciousness forever. when someone looks at 2015, at least one voice will say that it wasn’t actually his fault he lost the title that year thank you amen. he’s valentino rossi, what he says gets noted, and his fans are gonna believe him. a neat little way to protect himself. what he DOESNT expect is marc to ALSO pull the pin on his own grenade instead of simply laying down and taking it. but lol. that’s the cunt he married!!! that ain’t fucking max biaggi or sete gibernau or even god love him jorge lorenzo. this is crazy ex energy heretofore undiscovered by science. this is marc dialed the fuck in. pissed the fuck off. a guy already accomplished at crimes that were not focused on one particular person now given a blinking neon yellow target. like vale post race is right! marc wasn’t focused on winning that race! he was focused on ruining vale’s day! as they say in this podcast clip, it’s marc going you think i didn’t want you to win? here’s what it actually looks like when i don’t want you to win. like yeah marc’s being a little asshole but that’s because of vale’s own goddamn actions. simply do NOT dish it if you can’t take it mr rossi

and i also think vale had literally NO idea it would define a huge swath of his legacy to this degree OR that he would still have to be answering questions about it every time he steps foot in the paddock. nine years after the fact. none. kind of delicious 2 me. you say i killed you haunt me thennnnnn

[luvlyycy]

as you can tell i am absolutely smitten w ulquiorra plspls write something w ulqui n a goth reader in a school or college party. they'd probably hang out together n end up getting drunk together ( drunk kissing!? )

ANYTHING FOR YEW SENNNN !!! ulqui × goth reader ... hahhh.. so good... i put grimmjow in this as a bystander (he dragged ulqui to his party) ANYWAY ENJOY <3

ulquiorra can confidently say — he hates parties. he dislikes the socializing aspect. doesn't enjoy being around people at all, if he had it his way, he'd never step foot in one of those functions ever again.

but when he has a dorm-mate like grimmjow, he doesn't have a choice.

this is one of those times when he doesn't have a choice. grimmjow's throwing a college campus party, and he's inviting basically everyone he knows— except his enemies obviously.

"not going."

grimmjow groans as he decorates the house he rented out for the party, "yeah, right. i'll fuckin' drag you there if i hafta." he huffs out, arm stretching upward to hook lights on something.

ulquiorra stares ahead for a moment, hands holding his phone, "okay." he simply deadpans.

maybe he should've put up more of a fight, or disagreed more because now he's at the party he said he didn't want to be at.

the music is loud, deafening even— there's girls n guys all socializing. ulquiorra honestly sticks out like a sore thumb— his hair sticks out, his eyeliner, the paleness of his skin— it's all different. sometimes somebody approaches him but never stay to talk because talking to him makes them feel awkward— he doesn't care. he wants them to leave him alone.

he's holding his fourth drink, or at least he believes it to be his fourth drink. he takes a big gulp from the can— it's cheap, he can tell. grimmjow would never spend lots of money on alcohol. he could never go to a party like this sober.

he realizes too late that he's off to get his fifth drink, his eyes are kind of blown out and he's lost sight of anybody he moderately knew— hands fumbling through the cooler as he grabs another can— feeling none, he groans. he's in the kitchen now, opening the fridge to grab one of the better drinks from grimmjow's stash. he shuts the fridge to see you behind it.

he gets a bit jumpscared but he doesn't show it.

you're just standing there, nobody else in here but you. well, and him.

"why are you standing there?" he asks, trying his hardest not to slur.

you glance at him, your body off balance, "nobody wants to talk to me." you mumble, tell-tale red cup in your hand. not that you wanted to talk to them.

he wants to know if thats juice or alcohol, chances are it's alcohol.

"why?"

you shrug, leaning against the side of the fridge, "no clue." you mutter, taking a sip of your drink.

ulquiorra never usually finds people attractive. he doesn't care for that sort of thing. maybe it's all the drinks, or maybe it's the lighting of the lights in the kitchen— he doesn't know but you look so.. good.

he's drinking in your outfit, the blacks adorning your skin like a black rose that had blessed the earth. your eyeliner is so beautiful— your lips are beautifully decorated. your shoes match perfectly to your outfit— it's intoxicating him like his own brand of nicotine.

"you're staring."

he doesn't bother saying sorry, just clicks open his drink in response— eyes still locked onto yours. he's never seen someone look like you.

you think the same about him. he has such a unique style to himself, you can't pinpoint it— but he's awfully handsome.

"wanna go sit down?" you ask.

"sure." he responds.

when you both walk back to the specific couch ulquiorra was on, he finally remembers you. remembers how he'd seen you before but never paid any attention— he's glad he didn't pay attention. he fears he'd be smitten like a dog.

you both get comfortable on the couch with your drinks in hand. you glance at him to allow yourself time to appreciate his looks once again. he feels your gaze.

"why haven't we ever talked before?" he asks, taking a long gulp of the fruit flavored drink he had chosen earlier.

"don't know. maybe we just never had the chance." you giggle out.

you guys have talked before, but not much. never hanging out, just talking in passing.

it's been a few hours, more drinks, more talking, less people. you assume the party will be ending soon. somehow you've gotten closer to ulquiorra— every now and then he'll ask your name, even though he already knows it. your thighs are touching as he leans closer to you, his face flushed due to the alcohol— you wonder what he's doing. you giggle and stare back at him, only for him to wrap an arm around your waist.

he finally says it, "i think you're... pretty." he slurs into the side of your cheek.

okay, he was an affectionate drunk.

you giggle again, "i am?" you watch as he nods.

he's breathing slowly but his heart is beating fast— it's been a long night, both of your makeup is ruined. his eyeliner smudged, yours too. somehow it captures your essence even more.

he wraps his hand around your wrist, sucking in a small breath— "can, can i kiss you?" he breathes out.

you lean closer to him, your red cup toppled over on the floor— "yes."

it's like time stops for him, your lips landing on his— electrifying him, you taste like the spiked fruit punch, and he can't help but groan. your arms hook around his body, lips messily against each other's but it's so good.

it's amazing, the buzz, his hands holding you and pulling you onto his lap— it's all so good.

he pulls away to breathe, "i. i want your phone number." he huffs out, kissing you again.

this time you pull away, "let's hang out when we're not drunk." he mumbles a quick 'okay' before you both start making out again.

.

.

.

grimmjow stands there awkwardly, "party's over, y'all been swapping spit for thirty minutes." he groans, wrapping his hand around your arm to pull you off. you groan in annoyance, ulquiorra following suit.

"can't we sleep here, grim?" you ask, batting your eyes at grimmjow— he groans loudly, throwing the keys at your face, "whatever, just don't fuck it up." he yawns as he walks out the door.

you giggle as ulquiorra stares at you, his pupils practically hearts— "are we sleeping on the couch?" he questions. you nod slowly, you can't remember if there was a bed in this house.

you lay on the fairly large couch and ulquiorra lays next to you, wrapping his fairly muscular arms around you. "wait," he removes his coat to then place it over both of you, "there.".

you stare at him, cuddling up to him, "goodnight, ulqui."

"goodnight."

[eddiediazismyhusband]

i really don’t want this to seem ignorant- so sorry if it does. But FOX did make Lonestar, which has a queer canon couple, a trans guy and other incisive characters

i know Oliver said FOX didn’t allowed Buddie but also kind of wrote it in but also pretended they didn’t but also had a plan they never followed through on, but FOX aren’t evil are they? I mean I prefer 9-1-1 over Lonestar but I liked the show and all the different characters they had (even if they made some bizarre decisions)

i’m not saying FOX don’t suck- but why specifically does the fandom hate them so much. Is it cause queer baiting (over buddie)?

I can’t speak for myself, but personally a lot of my issues with FOX handling the buddie situation was less so with Fox, but more with Kristen Reidel for coming in and completely sweeping away the setup that Tim had made for buddie at the end of season 4.

Obviously we only know tidbits that have been said in interviews, and they’re never going to outright talk about what happened (at least not until buddie goes canon or the show ends) but from the few things we’ve heard, it sounds like the sniper plot was setup to be bothe Buck and Eddie’s “oh” moment, and Tim had planned to explore that in season 5 to work towards Buddie canon.

However when Tim switched over to LS from 9-1-1, and KR stepped in, she and FOX both nixed everything that Tim had initially planned, and took the show in a different direction— this is why a lot of fans dislike season 5 and 6 (not because of buddie not going canon, but because it almost felt like a different show at times— and we all know the debacle that was the rushed plot wrap-ups at the end of s6 that granted weren’t entirely KR’s fault, but could have been handled better than they were)

So tldr, i think a lot of fans are more annoyed at the combination of FOX and KR both deciding not to go down the bi!buck route in s5 and eventually leading to buddie canon. at least that’s where my frustration lies, but everyone has different reasons. I think other people are aggravated by the fact that LS did make Tarlos canon but so vehemently disagreed with Buddie/Bi!Buck…. (that is not to say I don’t love Tarlos i absolutely do, but it is a little annoying that they would give us one queer ship while denying another)

(and to answer your question about FOX being evil- this might be my socialist brain talking but they are a major media corporation which to me automatically makes them icky bc their main concern is making money which means they really don’t gaf about representation unless it makes them money— but this also goes for ABC and any other network but i digress)

I hope this clears things up/answers your question? I don’t think there’s a really clear-cut across the board answer, but this fits with a lot of what i’ve seen/discussed w other fans.

Thanks for the ask, anon 💕💕💕

[saintsenara]

2 bellatrix Lestrange

4 Sirius black

thank you for the ask, anon!

[character ask game here]

2. a canon or headcanon hill you will die on about them:

i have two headcanon answers for my best girl, bellatrix:

that her marriage to rodolphus is unhappy

a lot of bellatrix fans - or certainly the ones i follow on tumblr - have the headcanon that her marriage to rodolphus is a strong one, and either reject the idea of bellamort, or think that bellamort takes place with rodolphus’ consent.

i disagree. i much prefer to view bellatrix as someone whose breathless devotion to voldemort isn’t just caused by the deranged sexual energy she projects in the books [which helena bonham carter really took and ran with in the films…], but by the fact that voldemort - tragically - is the first man in her life who actually treats her as a real person.

while i don’t think her marriage to rodolphus was forced [i think it was arranged - and i think the idea that pureblood families practise arranged marriage is implied by canon - but arranged and forced marriages are not synonymous, nor are arranged and loveless ones], i do think that it was a decision she made when she was quite young because she thought she should, and that, if she’d had the chance to actually think properly about it, she wouldn’t have accepted rodolphus’ proposal.

i see them, then, as having very little in common - rodolphus being dour and insubstantial is my preferred way of writing him, while bella is passionate and vibrant - and as living, almost the second the rings are exchanged, entirely separate lives.

i also see bellatrix feeling incredibly constrained by the gendered expectations of her social class - expectations which rodolphus, following the example of his parents [and bella’s own], has for her - and hating being, essentially, trapped in the lestranges’ house, having to play hostess and behave herself like a good pureblood woman. like narcissa.

voldemort - someone who can very much understand the desire to escape the shackles of your father and your class background - is the only man she ever meets who lets her escape this.

but, more than that:

that voldemort genuinely loves her, in his own little way

if you asked him, of course, he’d say otherwise, but i think it’s justifiable in canon that voldemort doesn’t just like having bella around because she strokes his ego.

he clearly misses her while he’s stuck in a tree in albania; he is the happiest he’s been in over a decade the night she’s released from azkaban; he refuses to lose her to azkaban again in the duel at the ministry, even though it means blowing a year-long cover; he allows her to speak frankly to him when they’re in private [she tells him to his face that he’s wrong about snape - for most people, that’s the last thing you ever say to lord voldemort, for bella, all she gets is the silent treatment for a few days]; he is willing to put up with her doing all she can to be physically close to him, even though that alludes to the relationship between them and makes him look like he has a weakness; he is - if you’re a delphini truther [i am! sue me!] - willing to allow her to be seen to be pregnant with his baby, something which makes clear he’s just a man underneath it all; and - of course - he absolutely loses it when she dies.

in contrast to a fanon tendency to turn him into an emotionless automaton, voldemort is someone who clearly has a great desire to be seen and known. his monologues are usually him revealing his secrets, his desire for notoriety is obviously caused by having been such an attention-starved child, his life is hollowed out by the profound grief of his orphanhood. i cannot see any scenario in which bellatrix’s affection for him isn’t something he clings onto like a life-raft. and, despite the series’ belief that the main value of love is as sacrifice, this - pleasure, comfort, solace, understanding - is love too.

4. your favourite line of theirs:

sirius’ best line is obviously this god-tier read of wormtail from prisoner of azkaban:

"there’s enough filth on my robes without you touching them."

[ranticore]

20, 21, 33, and 34 for qedivar!!

My lil birdman....

20: Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?

He likes Amivar his frenemy roommate who is also writing a thesis at the Spire, tho Amivar is doing historical anthropology. They tend to get along well, they can work in close proximity without wanting to murder each other (...that often), and sometimes they're fwbs. The only problem is that Qedivar absolutely loathes Amivar's theory of evolution, he thinks it's poorly founded and a whole bunch of nonsense, especially as there don't seem to be any mammals on Siren other than the people living there, so there's no evidence of close relatives, ancestors, etc. aside from the odd unaltered human skeleton in the fossil record. But no transitional forms! Amivar's reconstruction of an unaltered human places feathers on the arms, where they should be, but the wrist shape is all wrong. Qedivar isn't convinced. They fight about it a lot.

The reverse is Tekteivar, a scholar studying world languages. Qedi respects Tektei's work a whole lot because Tektei is the one who back-translated modern speech into English, so that all the records from Ishmael's time could be understood properly. But that's where the respect ends. Tekteivar is grating and cold and fighting with him isn't even fun.

21: What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?

In the Spire, the world's only university, the hierarchy of scholars is absolute. If you haven't published your work, or been recognised as an authority in your field, you have absolutely no right to question the knowledge of someone who has. The higher someone is up the chain, the less acceptable it is to question them. Qedivar used to respect this, as obviously you need to acknowledge when someone knows more than you. But since he started his own research into predecessors and Ishmael, and was completely blackballed as a result of his controversial findings, he no longer cares to follow that etiquette. The facts are what must be respected above all else, not the people studying them.

33: How do they greet someone they dislike / hate?

The Spire has a massively high population density and conflict is always held out in the open, to avoid simmering grudges or dysfunctional relationships that might affect dozens of individuals just because everyone's so closely packed together. So if you hate someone, you need to tread a fine line between making it known, so no feelings get bottled up, but not allowing it to dictate how you behave around that person. When working with Tekteivar, Qedivar is as functional as can be - all communication is clear, concise, to the point. They don't like each other but they are colleagues and working to a common goal, which they acknowledge, so they make it work. A greeting would be something like "Hello, today we will discuss [subject]", so that expectations are clearly stated and they don't have to spend more time together than is strictly necessary.

34: How do they greet someone they like / love?

He wouldn't greet them he'd just launch straight into whatever it is he'd want to say, trusting that the other person is familiar enough with him that he can do this without being misconstrued as rude or whatever. He is such a dramatic person that he'd probably start telling a story about how he almost DIED getting over here to meet them, with a multi-stage blow by blow account of the traffic conditions and whether he saw anything interesting along the way. He's very fun to be around but he can be exhausting lmao. Also Spire culture is very.. free and open where intimacy is cocerned so he would probably greet a friend with a hug or kiss [no distinction is made between friend and lover in the Spire]

[liminalmemories21]

Fuck It Friday - S4 Interstitial Outtake

tagged @jesuisici33 (thank you!), and for @rmd-writes because she asked for the full AU version of TK and Carlos going up to New York for Passover in S4 (this was written before the episode where they discussed children, and then cut after because it got Joss'd for so many reasons). I think there's a small bit of dialogue at the end about missing Gwyn that still got rescued and reused in the posted story, albeit in a different place (and this is why I never delete anything and have hundreds of pages of cut material).

Tagging anyone else who has outtakes they want to share. Outtakes are the best part of the after movie experience.

Carlos has no baseline for what to expect from either New York, or from a Passover seder.  He's seen New York in movies and TV shows obviously, and he's learned it more intimately from the stories that Owen and TK tell.  They're not staying for that long on this trip, and they're going to a seder on Saturday and Easter lunch with Enzo's family on Sunday, but TK promises that he's taking him into real New York before they leave. 

Enzo makes a face at TK.  "Queens is real New York."

TK snags a piece of grape from Jonah's plate.  "Debatable."

Enzo rolls his eyes, but he's smiling.  "Snob." 

TK shrugs and doesn't disagree, just leans in to whisper to Jonah.  'We'll take you with us, you're never too young for dim sum."

Carlos has even less idea what to expect from a seder.  He's read about it, but that's abstract.  They're going to a seder at friends of Gwyn and Enzo's, a family TK has known since childhood.  He'd made a complicated face when Enzo had told them a few weeks ago, and said with trepidation.  "Is Miriam going to be there?"

Enzo had laughed so hard down the phone that he'd dropped it.  "She hasn't had a crush on you since she was 15, TK.  I think you're safe."

"You're not the one she tried to hit on every holiday," TK says sourly.

Carlos does his best to keep a straight face.  "How old were you?"

"A year older than her."  TK grins suddenly.  "To be fair, I'm pretty sure I spent a lot of time at holiday dinners trying to awkwardly hit on her older brother, so you know."

"You did," Enzo says dryly.  "Every adult in the room suffered from schadenfreude watching the three of you."

The seder is lovely, long, although not as long as he'd been vaguely worried it would be from some of the blogs he'd read online, and as far as he can tell MIriam doesn’t try and hit on anyone except her wife.  He doesn't understand half of what's happening, but he nods at the right times, and takes the things that are handed to him, and piles his plate when they finally eat.  Mostly he watches TK and Jonah, and soaks in how alike they look, and how natural TK looks holding Jonah in his lap when he falls asleep halfway through the seder.  He has the same double vision he’d had at Hanukkah, of TK now with Jonah, and TK in the future sitting at a table with their children leading them through these same traditions.

Everyone tells stories about Gwen, and some about TK when he was younger, which make TK's cheeks burn red and bury his face in his hands.  "You are not allowed to tell anyone at home any of this," he hisses at Carlos when the conversation ebbs at one point.

He grins and crosses his fingers and nods. "Absolutely."

TK narrows his eyes at him.  "Just remember I talk to your sisters."

He nods seriously and then turns to Mrs. Fereira, “What was that you were saying about the play TK was in?” and dodges the pinch to his leg from TK.

Enzo vetoes making Jonah sit through two long religious events in two days, and they skip Easter mass on Sunday, but they do go out to Long Island for Easter lunch.  He thinks Enzo might have preferred to skip that too, let Jonah nap rather than get overtired and overstimulated two days in a row, but apparently his mother was willing to let them skip mass, but lunch was non-negotiable.

Enzo looks at Carlos as they pull up to the house and says, "I apologize in advance for literally everything."

TK snorts and reaches for Carlos's hand.  "I'm calling this payback for that first lunch at Tia Lucy's."  Carlos considers that, and decides that's probably fair.

He gives up trying to remember anyone’s names or relationships about three people in.  At some point he gets handed a plate piled with so much food that he thinks he’s not going to need to eat for a week after they leave. The woman sitting next to him snorts at the look on his face and volunteers her name, if not her place in the extended family, although he thinks she’s one of Enzo’s nieces.  “I’m Emma.  Sorry about the family.”

He smiles and takes a bite of the lamb and wonders who made it and if he can get the recipe.  “Don’t worry.  My family is a lot like this too.”  It explains a lot about how easily TK had weathered that first lunch at Tia Lucy’s if he’s got this kind of experience under his belt.

She gives him an evaluating look, decides he’s telling the truth and says, “Well, in that case I guess apologies for taking you away from your family on Easter.” 

He eyes the way TK has been suborned into a game of snakes and ladders by a group of kids, and the way Enzo’s alternately watching TK lose to a bunch of seven year olds, and keeping an eye on where Jonah’s trying to pet an elderly long suffering cat.  “You’re not.”

She gives him a sharp look and then nods with satisfaction and offers.  “Nonna practically adopted TK, you should probably expect an interrogation at some point.”

He tips his fork to her.  “Thanks for the warning.”

She shrugs. “He looks happier than I think I’ve ever seen him, and Enzo likes you, so you’ll probably do just fine.”

He doesn’t get interrogated by Nonna Luisa exactly, but she does ask for a rundown of his family, and job, and prospects and then starts telling him stories about a younger TK, and Enzo, and Gwen, and he thinks that means he passed.  TK seems to soak up the stories, even as Carlos can see how they weigh on him.  He nudges his thigh next to TK, letting him borrow whatever strength he needs.  TK reaches for his hand, thumb against his pulse point and draws him into the story that Enzo's sister is telling about the time Gwen tried to make lasagna.

"Wait," he says, "I didn't think your mother cooked."

Enzo's sister snorts at the same time TK does.  "She really really didn't," TK confirms.

Enzo's sister's laughs so hard as she repeats the sequence of phone calls from Gwen that half the story gets lost, and Enzo comes over to investigate what's going on.

His mouth twists in a rueful grin when he hears.  "She wouldn't even let me see what she'd made when I got home, took the trash out before I got there, and ordered Ethiopian from a place down the street.  She said she loved me, but she was never doing that again and if that was a deal breaker I should pack my bags and leave now, like she somehow thought that I had missed that the two of you lived on take out, and whatever your babysitter made you in the afternoons."

TK grins, and it's only a little melancholy.  "You spoiled us both when you moved in."

Enzo reaches out to ruffle his hair.  "Well, I had to bribe you with something to let me stay."

Enzo has classes on Monday, but they're not leaving until Tuesday morning, and they take the time to go out to Gwen's grave.  They take Jonah with them, and Carlos keeps an eye on him as he toddles around the cemetery while TK folds himself down next to the temporary marker.  The unveiling will be in late July, and Carlos has already put in for vacation time to come up for it.

He takes a few steps away to give TK privacy to talk to Gwyn, and crouches to take the stick that Jonah solemnly hands him.  He turns at TK's voice, raised just loud enough to carry.

"Hey, Jonah, come say hi to Mom."

He takes Jonah's hand to help guide him over to the grave, and then lets TK settle Jonah on his lap.  Jonah squirms a little, and doesn't really understand what they're doing here, but he catches enough of TK's mood to settle for long enough to obediently say hello to Gwyn and Carlos feels his heart clench when Jonah offers TK a small rock he has clenched in his fist.  He can see the tears on TK's lashes, but his voice is somehow steady when he tells Jonah, "That's perfect, honey.  Do you want to put it on her grave?"

Jonah looks a little dubious, but puts it on the marker and then looks at TK for approval.  TK kisses the top of his head.  "It's a way for us to remember her," he explains to Jonah.  He scrubs surreptitiously at his eyes and pushes himself up.  He looks at Carlos.  "You want to talk to her?"

He nods, and squeezes TK's hand as TK stoops to pick Jonah up and walks a little bit away for them to look at the buds on the fruit tree nearby.  He sits on the ground in front of the grave, in the same place TK had.  He's never really done this before, never really had anyone that close to him who's died.  He feels a little awkward, but, "Hi Gwyn.  Your son asked me to marry him, and it was the best day of my life.  I know I screwed it up a little after that, but he's got more patience than most people give him credit for, and he's got so much patience with me even when I don't think I deserve it."  He puts a hand on the ground.  "I promise you, I am going to love him for the rest of my life, and I am going to try every single day to make him happy."  His voice catches in his throat.  "I wish you could be there, to dance at our wedding, and tell me you told me so, and make him laugh.  But, even if you aren't there in person, I know that you will be there in TK, and in Jonah, and in the memory of every person you met and loved, and through me for him.  And, I am so grateful for that.  I don't think I have words for how grateful I am for him, and that you trusted me with him.  I won't let you down, I promise.."

When he looks up, TK's watching him with a small tired smile.  They go to lunch afterwards at the tiny dim sum shop on Spring Street, and they cut up a dumpling into little pieces and let Jonah gum at them.  The owner remembers TK, and looks sincerely upset when he tells her that Gwyn passed, and brings them out a plate of bao they hadn't ordered, and when TK says thank you Carlos can hear the tears in his voice.  "They were her favorite," TK says when they're alone.  "I can't believe she remembered that."

When Carlos suggests they just go home after lunch TK only makes a token objection.  "I was going to show you Manhattan." 

He nudges TK towards the subway, and hopes he's remembered the right one.  "We'll be up here a lot more times, you have years to show me New York.  Right now I think we all need naps, and he nods at Jonah who's already conked out in his stroller.

TK's mouth twists with amusement.  "I think I envy him a little."

They're playing blocks with Jonah when Enzo gets home that afternoon, and he makes a face as he sits down on the carpet with them.  "I am too old for this."  He points a finger at them, "Let this be a lesson, have your children when you're young.  Or," he reaches out to cup the back of TK's neck, "acquire them when they're past the age of crawling on the carpet."  TK grins and ducks his head, and offers Enzo a hand to lever him up off the carpet. 

TK gets quieter the later in the evening it is, but it isn't until after they've put Jonah to bed that he says, "I really miss Mom."

Carlos curves a hand across his knee, anchoring him, and Enzo reaches out a hand to TK and holds it firm when TK takes it.  "I know, kid.  Me too.  Every day."

When he comes back from brushing his teeth he finds TK standing in the bedroom, staring at the framed pictures on the dresser.  It’s a timeline of TK as a kid, with Gwen, with Owen, with Enzo, in the middle of a pack of kids he thinks he recognizes as younger version of the people he met yesterday, a prom picture of TK with another boy in a tux, both of them looking gangly and awkward.  He comes up behind TK, looping an arm around his waist and peering over his shoulder.  “You were a cute kid.”

TK twists his neck to smile at him.  “I think Enzo’s cherry picking the pictures.  I know Mom and Dad showed you all the embarrassing ones, don’t lie.”

He grins.  “Yeah, possibly.”  He drops a kiss to the back of TK’s shoulder.  “What are you thinking?”

TK sighs and traces a finger along the edge of a picture of him and Gwen at a restaurant somewhere, both of them grinning and laughing.  “I keep thinking it’ll get easier, that some day it’ll feel like less of a shock to remember that she’s gone.  But then Dad’ll say something and I’ll think I have to tell Mom that, or there’ll be something I want to ask her about, or something I want her to tell me how to do, and I’ll remember that I can’t and it’s like hearing Enzo say it for the first time all over again.”

He steps up closer behind TK, tucking his body closer.  “It hasn’t even been a year yet, sweetheart.  Give yourself time.”

“There was so long when I never imagined that I’d get married, not really.  But Mom always thought I would.”  He turns in Carlos’s arms to look at him.  “She said she knew you were the one, even if we never got married that you were the one.  She would have loved helping us plan the wedding.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow and says dryly, “Because what this wedding needs is more opinions.”

TK grins.  “Yeah, but she would have fought with Dad, and it would have been epic and we could have done whatever and neither one of them would have noticed until it was too late.”  He stops abruptly, swallowing hard, and Carlos can hear tears thick in his throat.  “She’s never going to see me get married.  She’s never going to meet her grandchildren.”

And Carlos aches for him, and folds him closer and lets him cry, and curls up with him in bed when TK will let him coax him under the covers.

TK hugs Jonah for a long time the next morning, until Jonah wriggles away, but comes back with a handful of acorns that he holds out to TK.  TK looks at them bemused, and Enzo stifles a laugh.  “He collects them.  It’s an honor if he’s giving you one.”  TK nods and takes his time picking one out and says thank you.

Enzo hugs him too, whispering something in his ear that makes TK hold on for a moment longer.  And then Enzo hugs Carlos too.  “Thank you for coming up.”  He looks at where TK is squatting next to Jonah.  “I always forget how much I miss him until I see him again.

“We’ll be back in July,” Carlos promises, “and then we’ll see you for the wedding.”

Enzo nods.  “Gwyn really loved you.  She was so sure that the two of you would end up married.  I like to think that somewhere she’s gloating, and annoyed that she can’t make bank collecting on all the pots she had a finger in.”

Carlos laughs, and TK looks up, and then pushes himself up.  “We need to leave, or we’re going to tempt fate getting to the airport on time.”

[ingravinoveritas]

Just popping by to say how much I appreciate you. Thank you for always keeping a level head. Even when you're disagreeing or calling out bullshit, you still manage to stay diplomatic and respectful. And of course, you always focus on the important things, the main one being that Michael is David's #1 fan (and vice versa)

Aw, thank you so much for this! I can't tell you how nice it was to get this message in my inbox (and apologies for not replying sooner, as I've been entirely swamped and am now trying to catch up on my Asks).

Given that this was from two weeks ago, I'm going to guess that this is mainly in response to the whole situation with David's BAFTA nom and some of the reactions that have occurred as a result. I think a lot of people have said a lot of clumsy things (looking at you, Neil) and while some may not have meant to take away from David's big moment, that still seems to be what's happened. I absolutely believe David is more than deserving of the nomination and it is long overdue at this point. He should've been nominated for Des, or even before that, his role as Alec Hardy in Broadchurch, but I am so glad he's finally gotten a nomination now.

I think the reaction a lot of people had was borne out of how tied together David and Michael's performances are as Aziraphale and Crowley, and the thought that if David were to be nominated for that specific role, then one hopes that Michael will also be nominated for his role as Aziraphale at some other point in the future.

But to your comment about my keeping a level head, I find it interesting that, in the midst of all the theories flying around about why Michael wasn't nominated and questions I got to that effect, this post showed up in the tags the same day you sent me this Ask (blog name is cropped out):

This was very obviously in reference to this Ask that I received and had answered just prior to then. This person didn't even have the nerve to mention my blog by name, but had no problem calling me an "rpf fucker" (really nice...). The question pertained to whether Michael's lack of a BAFTA nom could have been because of Anna's off-putting social media posts prior to the announcement, and I indicated in my response that I did not believe this was the case. I am not about to place blame on Anna for something that she had no part of--which I suppose this person was hoping I would do, to give credence to their ludicrous claims of sexism--and I made my position on the matter clear.

So to your comment about me disagreeing, this was exactly what happened...and yet this person had to twist what I wrote so far around (to the point of lying by omission) just to make their point. And yes, I took that Ask seriously, as I take every Ask/Anon that I get seriously, even the ones that attack me (which is also why it takes me for-freaking-ever to answer the questions in my inbox). According to the above blogger, however, instead I should've responded to the person who sent the Ask by mocking them and telling them how ridiculous and stupid they are. Because just politely disagreeing while still allowing someone the space to share their thoughts is so horrible, but telling someone to fuck off is apparently the height of discourse. Ugh.

In any case, I am very much grateful for this message, and for you and everyone else who follows my blog and has been so lovely. It's your encouragement and kindness that gives me the drive to keep posting, so thank you! ❤️❤️

[golbrocklovely]

i'm gonna make this post since i have like ten asks wondering my thoughts on it. and i don't really feel like repeating myself over and over again.

long story short, i'm disappointed.

so… snc did a video with elton and corey. they addressed the rumors that have been circulating about elton and the things he has done to snc, none of which were true. and i'm glad that that can finally come to a close and the death threats can calm down. bc while i never liked elton, he didn't deserve death threats.

but let me get into the video.

i don't feel like rewatching it, so if i get some things wrong, idc. but what i know for certain is that elton flat out said "the fans drove us apart and made me act the way i did." which, is just a flat out lie. HE started way back in late 2020/21. i have proof. i've seen it with my own eyes. i was literally there while he was tweeting out things against snc. if he is that easily persuaded, he should reconsider his career choices. fans took it too far, i'm not disagreeing with that; but to pretend that him and corey didn't shade snc for years and that the fans started a beef between them is ridiculous and incredibly incorrect. elton started a battle that he didn't think was gonna continue for as long as it did. he believed his ego and thought fans would side with him in his unjust belief that snc were copying him. and it didn't play out in his favor, so he just got more bitter and bitter over the years about it. once ppl started making up lies about him, something he had no issue doing to snc, that's when things went "too far".

again, did he deserve death threats for being petty? absolutely not. did he deserve lies to be made up about him? no. but do not pretend to be an innocent bystander in a war YOU started. you handled things publicly and then got pissed when the public had opinions. idk what you expected. snc didn't do anything to elton. they didn't copy him, they didn't take content that was his and change it around to be their own. that is something elton CLAIMED to have been the case. and now he tries to blame it on fans and that they were the ones that claimed that. his apology is null and void when he turns around and says "yeah i said some things i shouldn't have but it's actually the fans' doing that made me think that way." you are full grown adult man with multiple businesses. act like it.

and i cannot fathom under any circumstance why snc would ALLOW elton and corey back into their lives. they bad-mouthed you two for YEARS. they did it in front of fans on tour! they cultivated a fandom that was happy to see you guys fail or get called out. i get you feel bad that fans took things too far. that maybe you were petty too in some instances, that you could have reached out sooner. but YOU DIDN'T START THIS. they don't deserve loyalty or to be in your lives again bc fans were assholes! and you shouldn't want someone in your life that will believe a stranger over you. bc what is there to say that elton won't turn around and shit on you again? he obviously has issues talking shit out. what about the next time he thinks you slighted him? you think he's gonna be rational and act like an adult and talk to you? probably fucking not.

snc bitch time and time again about feeling used, that they always feel taken advantaged of. they keep their inner circle small bc they can't trust anyone. colby literally talked about not being able to date outside of the industry bc what if the girl he's with wants something from him. they do all of this complaining, only to bring elton and corey back in. two ppl who will only BENEFIT from being their friend again. they have been losing subs and followers for years now ever since they started this war. they have nothing to lose being your friend again. they will USE YOU.

it became very apparent to me that snc only want elton and corey back in their lives for memories' sake. they had a three hour conversation only to go back and talk about the good ol times. there's a reason why those moments are in the past. elton literally still sees you guys as the young 20 year olds he has to "take care of". he literally said he loveD you guys, past tense - bc now he hasn't hung out with yall in so long. and you want that back in your life bc you miss feeling young and have uncle elton around? let go of 2017. that was a life time ago. there is no reason to have this man back in your life. and same goes for corey. neither one of them even wished you well publicly when you were diagnosis with cancer or going thru chemo, colby! what about that screams good friend material??

i know i am one person with one opinion. you don't have to listen to me, and that goes for everyone reading this. if you're happy they're back together, that's great. good for you. but i will not be supporting any content that comes from elton/corey and snc. if they do a video together, go on a trip - i will not watch it. i don't care to see two men who i care about hang out with two other guys that literally wished them the worst for three years straight.

snc are allowed to make whatever choice they want. if they want these guys back in their lives, that's the choice they make. if they accept elton's apology, that's fine. but i will not support it. it is such a disappointing feeling to see the ppl you care about act like floormats personified. you guys are so desperate to be seen as good and positive and it is mind-numbingly annoying. who cares if you're an asshole sometimes?! set boundaries for christ's sake. and follow thru on them. stop listening to fans who have the attention span of a spoon and are only here bc they think you're hot.

…this goes into a longer issue i've had with snc for a while now. and that's that i'm no longer excited to be an avid watcher of them. everything that has happened this year was proof, to me, that they should have taken an actual, long term break, the moment colby got sick. they started out the year not even being with each other on colby's bday. and even before that you could tell something was off with the two of them. it was clear colby wanted a break, was aching for one, and sam was the one that wanted to jump right back into work the moment the new year started. then colby got diagnosed, then sam and kat broke up, then colby went thru chemo, then sam needed to get his shit sorted out so he went to therapy (and still very much needs it). then they celebrated colby being cancer free and jumped back into the amount of work they were used to doing. this doesn't even take into account that colby never got time to recover from even realizing HE HAD CANCER, or the fact he was working all while going thru chemo and before that too. they NEVER took a break. taking a week off to black out in japan doesn't count. they are so obsessed with working and numbers, it's not even funny.

and then this podcast with kris… while i did enjoy it, it became very clear to me that snc are really only making content anymore for views and money. and look, get your coin, this is your job after all. but at what point do you start making content you actually enjoy making? bc the moment they shitted on 25x25, something they very much loved when it was happening, that was enough proof that they only care about views and money anymore. the only reason they stopped that WAS bc no one watched it. and ppl didn't stop watching it bc it was inauthentic. you were travelling during a deadly pandemic… what did you expect fans to do?? not to mention you cold turkey-ed content that ppl signed up for (haunted stuff). of course the views are gonna plummet. it wasn't bc the editing was weird and new, which is what yall love to latch onto even to this day. you guys were so excited for that content, and now shit on it bc it's become the joke to the fandom, half of which wasn't even here when you made that content.

you collab with ppl no one even cares to see you with bc you know it will bring in views. who the fuck wants to see yall and bella poarch at the conjuring house??? none of these collabs make sense anymore, unless you just want to get views. all the content you have put out this year has been mediocre at best. you talk about quality over quantity but really should have just considered not working and taking a break since one of you was literally going thru fucking cancer.

i just feel so deflated. i'm not even excited for the conjuring house. i don't care about hell week. i can't even be pissed that sam is barely helping with the edit still. none of this fucking matters anymore.

yall don't care, so why should i?

do whatever makes you happy, i guess. but don't complain when you realize it doesn't, bc i'm not gonna be here to hear it.

also, if any of you get pissy at me bc you feel like this is a good thing and you want to see them collab and i'm taking it too far... respectfully, i don't give a single shit about your opinion. have yours, i'll have mine.

[circular-bircular]

I’m not going to bother blocking (believe it or not, I agree with some of your posts, and I don’t enjoy cutting off discussions) but I also am not giving anymore notes to the post, particularly when the “very open to discussion” person blocks and hides people attempting to add to the discussion. They also seem quite agitated with me and said they’d block me if I interacted again, so!

We're normally a long post to be in detail about our points and topics we get, or small generalized posts with 0 to no explanation at all because we're tired or some other shit that makes us be lazy and don't talk in depth in a a topic

And that is absolutely fair! We do the same — quick, over generalized posts. The difference is, we 1) try to make those posts as open ended as possible, or open to others experiences as possible, and 2) we accept the criticism of others when they tell us it’s over generalized.

All my response was was a criticism pointing out the flaws in the over generalization, because I think your over generalization was absolutely heinous, and is used constantly to discredit singlets from a discussion that I find them vital to.

In all the topics, not only surrounding system topics/syscourse the generalization don't talk about all the cases, there's a lot of "it depends" in every topic you can imagine, we firmly believe that the best answer to any topic regarding the topic is "it depends" but we're just too lazy to elaborate sometimes, that's why in the repost we did you may see some "incongruences", it's just we did talk in more depth, we're just lazy lol

K. “I’m just lazy” really isn’t the best defense you think it is. I’m glad you can acknowledge that you over generalized, but at that point, I think it’s fair to accept criticism from others for that laziness. Syscourse is a high-octane conversation with nuance and depth; not a quick post you fling out from your bed in 5 seconds with no thought because you’re lazy.

I get it, I do; I’m currently sick with at least 4 different illnesses and I don’t have a lot of spoons. But I can still debate. I can still raise valuable points and dedicate time to things. Hell, my response to your originally was lazy, because I relied on the thing I find easiest — sarcasm — to discredit your point, hoping the slap to the face bluntness might get through to you the point. That obviously didn’t work! It typically does for my 11 year old students, so I guess that’s on me for assuming you’d react to sarcasm similarly.

So yeah, we tend to generalize and be short with no explanation sometimes, you just happened to encounter one of that posts, but those post are completely open to civil discussion, in those cases we do prefer not to quote the first post because it's a lazy generalized why of our opinion. I say this to have in mind for future references with our posts, if we're gonna talk in depth of this topics we might seem hypocrite or incongruent for this exact reason

Thank goodness this is a civil discussion then! So was sysmedsaresexist’s reply, but you still blocked that discussion. Unless by “civil” you mean “must concede points to me, even if they disagree with me, and must not sound angry at all.” In which case — yeah no, I have dampened my anger far too much in syscourse to allow some rando who’s spouting non-nuanced nonsense to earn my silence.

I’m allowed to be pissed off at non-nuanced posts. I’m allowed to be upset at things that further the split between singlets and systems in the system community! (Though, thank you, because as this is my last response to this particular post, it’s helped me realize I can dedicate this frustration toward yet another post about singlets and how much benefit they have in system discussions!)

“Civility” is a concept that doesn’t make sense to me in these situations. I’m never sure what someone means. From my perspective, I’ve been civil. I’ve also been insulting and mean. I’ve also criticized neutrally. I’ve done all those things! That’s all still civil to me. I didn’t harass you, I didn’t blast you on my blog — I just reblogged your points (which from my perspective encourage a dangerous mentality) and was mean about it. I think I’m well within my rights.

I do think is inappropriate to make a blog about syscourse if you're not a system, yeah, the problem might affect you because of people who are close to you and they might have some things to say about topics regarding system, but when it comes to syscourse most of the topics around it are about the community of systems that affects the community of systems, so a non-system talking about it it's just weird and doesn't have sence

You keep flip flopping. You described how it’s perfectly reasonable for my partner to participate in syscourse in the previous post, and now you say they shouldn’t, but with a new goal post added.

I disagree with you fundamentally about what syscourse is about. Syscourse falls into numerous topics. My partner primarily posts about respect and research into DID. Is it wrong of them to do so? I don’t think it is. But that is still posting directly to the tags, directly to systems, and into the syscourse community.

I don’t think that’s wrong.

They can talk about their experiences and how somethings do affect them, in the case is talking only experiences like I don't think that count as syscourse, and I also don't know that singlet's post so I can't really talk a lot about that

They talk about my experiences more. They ask I preview their posts but I wish they wouldn’t; I’ve never had to change a word beyond showing them how to tag things.

I’m not sure why you don’t count it as syscourse when it blatantly is from my perspective. As always, a debate boils down to a difference in definitions. You’re clearly defining syscourse as something other than “a tag on tumblr (or on other social media, but for this conversation, tumblr) that is dedicated to discussions about system discourse.” Anyone can have a discussion.

We also have singlet friends who are normally involved and affected into syscourse or system like topics, but they recognize entering to syscourse isn't right

I wonder how much of that is because their friend puts posts out explaining how awful it is for singlets to post in syscourse…

I encouraged my partner to make a blog because they’ve helped me so much to understand my own systemhood. I needed their perspective to be where I am now. Non-nuanced posts like yours lead singlets to avoid these spaces and systems to believe that’s a good thing. That’s what I was fighting against.

Don't get what you're saying here except you like to do the same shit you claim I do lol, also wtf is "The Other Side"??

Okay, let me explain in more depth then:

I saw your very non-nuanced post and thought, “God, not this shit again. We see this constantly. I do not have spoons or energy to explain yet again, in detail, all of the reasons this is wrong. So I’m going to respond with sarcasm, since that’s easier, and explain how they are wrong that way.” This wasn’t lacking nuance; it was just a different way of tackling a lack of energy.

My response to you was brief — there’s nothing wrong with low energy posts, and I’m not sure where you got that from in my response. The issue is over generalizing your ideas in such a way as to demonize A Side — the “Other Side.” In these spaces, there’s always two sides in the debate: Your Side, and the Other Side. I sit in a nebulous “both sides” nearly at all times, and it often seems like your posts are trying that — but in this case, Your Side is Systems In Syscourse and the Other Side is Singlets in Syscourse. One is right and one is wrong, one is black and the other is white, and there’s no swaying your opinion.

You saw a post from the Other Side — a singlet in syscourse or someone supporting singlets in syscourse — and it pissed you off enough to post a non-nuanced vaguepost. If you wanted to use low energy while keeping the nuance, you could’ve said, “Posts like X piss me off because it doesn’t feel like OP has enough experience with systems to participate.” But given that your whole issue is just… singlets having a DNI on their posts or a stance on their blog (based on the OG post you mentioned,) it came across as “Singlets having any opinion about system stuff online is bad.”

Combine that with a non-nuanced “singlets aren’t allowed to syscourse” blanket statement, and that’s what I have issue with.

Does that make more sense?

Didn't say that, if you understand that is a you problem, what I did meant to say it's you can engage but don't do it in a way that isn't outside a third eye perspective, the topics aren't about you, you might be affected to them but aren't about you, so the best if you wanna enter is to doing in a respectful way

Okay, so this wasn’t clear due to how non-nuanced your original post was. If you wanted to say this, then you should’ve said it. If you didn’t have the energy to say it, then don’t fucking post it. You need to be clear about your words. Like, let’s refresh ourselves on what you said:

When you're directly affected by that is obvious that you can have an opinion, and ofc it's gonna impact your online life if it impacts your irl live, but because of that it doesn't mean singlets should be actively entering in syscourse/system topics

“That doesn’t mean singlets should be actively entering syscourse/system topics” has become “If you want to enter syscourse topics, you need to do so in a specific way and be respectful.” Do you understand how different these two things are? Do you understand how it’s not a “me” problem when I am literally reading the words in front of me as they are?

They're not affected in the same way a system would be affected, they can be affected ofc, we said that in the post, read it again please, so yeah, dk what you want us to say in this part

What I want you to explain is how they are not affected the same was a system is affected. Because from my experience, they are.

I am stressed out by syscourse. So is my fiancé. I am triggered by syscourse. So is my fiancé. I have insights into systemhood and how it impacts both me and those around me, and so does my fiancé. In all of your responses, you’ve still failed to address that discrepancy; why should singlets not participate?

The most you’ve said is “they aren’t affected the same way,” but that’s so nebulous and uncertain and denotes nothing. My partner is affected in the same way! I don’t understand why you won’t take my word for that through all of this.

It's obvious people are gonna have other things outside their professions, that's common knwoledge genius, again, I don't get your point in somethin so obvious that you can't make out

“I don’t get your point.” My point is, there are so many therapists and medical professionals who participate in syscourse, which goes against your original claim. I’m uncertain how you missed that. Maybe it’s because you just flat out blocked SAS’s response about that topic? They spoke at length about those medical professionals. I would suggest reading that blocked reblog for some more perspective.

I'm not even gonna try to talk about the other things you say because it's just nonsence shit and you justwanting to attack me or shit like that, you're simply being someone inmature and I see you really open to civil talk, the main point of the blog here

“I’m not even going to try and address your other points because you’re just attacking me and immature, and I’m only interested in civil talk”

Pray tell, the other points I made are attacking you? How? I saw it as attacking your position. We’ve already discussed the “civility” thing (people are allowed to be mad, get used to it) but I see nowhere where I attacked you. I may have used some insulting language (I think I called your beliefs absurd at one point, so I could see how that would upset someone) but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t civil.

(The other points, for context, were further examples where singlets would have a place in these conversations, including final fused systems who choose to identify as singlets; these points are evidently attacking them.)

And I saw your posts, you don't care about breaking others boundaries, if you do that online what can I expect you do irl? Or you're just a incongruent hypocrite like you say I am? You don't want to engage in anythig real but hate and attack, and you see pround about that, or at least you don't see that as a real problem when it is, you're just bein an inmature hater

You mean my one post I’ve made, across around 7 years of syscourse at this point, saying I don’t really listen to DNIs anymore because they’re simply used to avoid discussion and spread misinformation?

Welcome to Ad Hominem, by the way! Why does what I do in my regular life matter? Why was that relevant to this discussion? (It’s not; it’s moralizing about me to try and demonize me because oof ouchie my words hurt your fee fees >;). To that point; I have written numerous posts about respect, understanding the other perspective, and the understanding of consent. I teach in my regular life how boundaries are vital and that students need to set boundaries with their teachers and parents, especially as a traumatized individual who lacked boundaries.

What do you do?

don't have time for inmature people like you and that's why mid reblog I just gave up because people like you can't appeal to civil disccusion which, again, is what this blog is about. And even with almost no boundarie and DNI you still manage to break it, I'm impressed in a bad way

Again. “Civility” is being defined by you were very differently than by me. Hilarious.

For me you're just a little hypocrite hater inmature and a bad person, other people might not see you as a bad person? Good for them, I don't fucking care, you care that I see you as a bad person? It's a you problem that I couldn't care less, you see me as a bad person? Good for you, it's the lastthing I would care tbh

I have to be perfectly honest, I can’t interpret this.

It seems like you just calling me an immature bad person? Not sure how that’s relevant to the discussion. We’ve just resorted to playground name calling it seems.

I really do not care if you see me as a bad person, and I certainly don’t see you as one. Not really sure where that came from, to be honest. What a non sequitur.

I can't have a real talk with someone like you so this "talk" ends up here, if you respond with another repost I'll just ignore it and block you, I recommend you ignoring me from now on, or if it helps your black hater heart block me, demostrate you can be mature shall we?

“If you reblog” (not repost, we use different language on tumblr) “I’ll ignore you and block you, or you can be mature and block me first.”

…

You still haven’t blocked me ._. ? Like. Okay, you know you don’t have to wait, right? You could’ve done so at any time.

I haven’t blocked you because I don’t feel the need; I enjoy conversations and the ability to see other perspectives. It’s just that your perspective is unclear. You’ve still not explained any differences that would necessitate that singlets not participate in syscourse, whereas I’ve explained in each of my posts situations where singlets would be welcomed. A vague “it doesn’t affect them” isn’t enough.

But sure; please feel free to block me and have any sort of opinion about me. Lord knows you’re not going to be remembered. The amnesia does that to me lol.

Have a good day!

[cevansbrat0007]

Hello Mr. Barber, I wanted to ask what are some qualities we ladies should look for as our deal breakers in finding a perfect match? I'm not very lucky in the dating sphere and I'm quite ready to give up. You and your wife are very lucky to have found each other and worked on your relationship. Obviously every person is different in what they look for in a partner, but do you have any suggestions or advice?

Summary: Andrew Barber returns to answer even more of your burning questions about love and marriage. Written from Andy's POV. Also check out Volume I and Volume II, as well as an Interview with Mrs. Barber.

Warning: the following response contains mature themes, including references to oral sex and cursing. Minors DNI.

A/N: For more insight into Andrew Barber and his Baby Girl, please check out my ongoing Growing Pains Series. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

___

Well hello again, everybody! First let me say that it’s nice to be back. My wife and I have really come to enjoy these questions. However, this time I felt the need to consult her as I wrote this response. This is in addition to letting her review my answers before hitting “publish”.

I just wanted to make sure that my answers made sense. Lucky for me, Baby Girl is a very honest creature. So, without further ado, here we go.

Allow me to begin by saying that there’s no such thing as a perfect match. Although I initially disagreed with this, my wife helped break it down for me so that I could better see her point. That’s one of the many things I love about this woman, you know? She’s willing to challenge me and the ways I see the world.

And sometimes that’s exactly what I need.

Now, that’s not to say there’s no hope of ever finding the yin to your yang. That’s absolutely possible. I just mean that perhaps you ought to consider tweaking your perspective a little. 

Maybe reframe it in terms of you’re seeking a partner. Because that’s what you’re looking for, right? That’s the goal – the endgame. You’re searching for someone to do life with, together. Forever. 

And in order for that to happen, you need an effective partner. Someone who sees you for who you are. Who loves you the ways you need to be loved. Someone who enhances instead of detracts. 

You want someone who’s willing to meet you where you’re at with the intention of helping you grow.

With that in mind, I would implore you not to lower your standards. Maintain your values. Know your worth. Don’t ever compromise any of that for another person. I’d also advise you to be immediately wary of any man or potential significant other that ever asks you to do so. 

One of things that really attracted me to my spouse is that she expected to be treated a certain way from the very beginning. She’s the type of person who commands respect from everyone wherever she is. She’s always been that way. And it’s because she knows her worth.

Case in point, when I almost blew it on our very first date. To this day, I’m grateful that I found the balls to chase after that woman when things went south at Cibo Matto. This man right here “ain’t too proud to beg”, I can tell you that much.

And yes, I know that’s a song by The Temptations. I was actually just serenading Baby Girl with it the other night. If memory serves, she was pissed at me for eating the last of her homemade cinnamon rolls. So, I did what any good husband would do when their lady threatens to run away to the grocery store and never come back. I swooped her up as she was stomping out the door and carted her off to my office so that I could apologize for my actions.

Besides, I’d much rather eat her any day. I mean can you blame me? My woman is the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. The stories I could tell you about all the ways I’ve convinced her to forgive me for the stupid things that I’ve done…

But that’s not what this was initially about, is it? My sincerest apologies. Where was I? Oh, that’s right. Knowing your worth and refusing to lower your standards. 

During our first date, my girl refused to settle for being treated as an afterthought. So she left. Just straight up walked out on me. Because she deserved better than how I was treating her. 

That evening should have been about us getting to know each other better. Instead, I unknowingly allowed my ego to get in the way and almost derailed everything before it had the chance to start. Which meant that I almost lost out on something magical. 

Which brings me to my next point. Everyone makes mistakes. This can be especially true when nerves are involved. I’m fortunate in that my Baby Girl eventually forgave me, and with that also came a second chance. But only because – and she explained this to me again last night – I had enough sense and maturity to apologize.

And fucking mean it. 

So, I’m going to suggest that you be willing to grant any of your potential suitors some grace. But only if they’re worthy of it. Meaning that if he’s not willing to apologize – especially if he’s done something to accidentally hurt or disrespect you – then walk away.

Because that’s a sign that you’re dealing with a boy. Not a man.      

The only other thing I would encourage you to do is to keep yourself open to love. Magic tends to find us when we least expect it. It likes to sneak up and knock you square in the face. And when that happens, I think you should embrace it.

Run with it. Cherish it. Be thankful for it.

Treat that relationship like a seed and water it daily. You’ve got to pour into one another and tend to that love. Cultivate it gently with tenderness and patience. And hopefully one day you and your partner will look up and be utterly amazed by what has blossomed.    

Thank you for your question and never forget that Mrs. Barber and I are cheering you on from the sidelines. 

Best Wishes, Andrew Barber